So, today marks single digits until my due date. Honestly, after I went to the hospital three weeks ago, I never thought that I would make it this far into my pregnancy. Much of the frustration that everyone sees on me is that I am in a lot of pain from this child and the nurses at the hospital were so adamant that he was coming soon. I have had so many signs of labor already that it seems impossible that he has not made his way out yet. I also read the alarming rate at which babies gain weight at this point in pregnancy, and I honestly cannot imagine Kase getting any bigger. It feels like he is already taking up every available inch of space.

I try hard not to dwell on the things that I can’t wait to get back to after he is born, but it is a little hard when even the simplest of activities can cause you to cry out in pain. So, I thought I would just go ahead and get them off my chest. That way, maybe I can focus on being grateful for my little guy.

I can’t wait to get back to exercising to the point that I sweat. As much as I hated running before, I can’t wait to be out of breath from a good three miles- instead of from walking from the car to my front door. I cant wait to be able to tie my shoes without going into convulsions. I cant wait to sleep on one side all night long- or maybe even on my stomach if I feel like it! I can’t wait to fit through narrow openings again! I cant wait to lift something heavy without someone saying “You shouldnt be lifting that!”; which reminds me how much I cant wait to get back to lifting weights! Oh, and I definitely cant wait to not go to the doctor every week and be weighed and pee in a cup. I cant wait to be able to think or talk or dwell on anything other than birth. I cant wait… oh, wait, that is too gross to mention… And speaking of which, I cant wait to stop learning about gross things that happen during pregnancy!

Most of all, I can’t wait to be Kase’s mommy. He is already such a huge part of our lives, but waking up with him and being the one that he relies upon for food, comfort and nurturing is a pleasure that I am not sure that I can even put into words, I am so giddy with anticipation. I think back to a time when I was convinced that I did not want to have children. I see that girl that was inside me and I am so grateful for the changes that God has made in my heart. I am also grateful for the things that have remained a central part of me.

I am so anxious to share my wonderful family with him- to show him how parents and in-laws celebrate one another in success and support each other in failure. There is a lot of pain in the world, but he is going to learn so much good from the many people in my life. Growing up Rutherford (and Hoekstra and Winn and Fitts) is going to be an adventure that this little boy will learn to cherish as much as I have learned to cherish my childhood. Imagining him with my family is one of the most exciting parts of his entering the world. I cant wait for him to learn how much he is loved by so many people. Whether he comes in 9 days, or 12, or tomorrow, he is the luckiest little boy I know because he gets to share the group of people that have shaped and molded me- and for whom I am so grateful.