Wow. I really intended to write about happy things here. My little family, the meals I cook, how life works around here, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens- you know the song. However, the last two days have reminded me that sometimes life is just a big pile of stinker…

I got dealt a couple of pretty devastating blows today- one rocking me in my professional life, and the other in my personal. Each, incident threatened to undermine some of my basic assumptions about life. The details are what they are in each situation, but suffice it to say that tears have been shed from 8:15 this morning when I got the first bit, to 4:30 this afternoon as I was getting ready to wrap up my day.

So, now I am faced with a decision. How do I cope, when I am not the main focus of either of these events? How do I support without getting sucked into a situation in which there is no right or wrong? Well, there clearly is a right and a wrong, but I don’t think that anyone is willing to compromise enough to get there.

This is pretty cryptic, no? I am definitely tired and overwhelmed by the sadness of the day. But, I have more people in my life that I am thankful for than I can count, a sweet and sexy man to share my every thought with (and my bed! whee!), a precious baby boy that clamors out of his high chair just to catch a glimpse of me when I get home, and a few raggedy animals to pat on the head as I push them out of my way.

And, I am very thankful for a mom that has led me through life’s many situations with grace, compassion, stubbornness, and resilience. Tomorrow is her birthday, and I am thankful for a day that I get to spend in celebration of her life and all that she means to me. When I got the news this afternoon, she was the first to dissect it with me- even though it is specifically news with which she likely cared nothing for- except that it affects her children and grandchildren. Through 28 years of being your daughter, there has never been a moment in which I was not proud to be your daughter. Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you!

Boo!

I know that a lot of men don’t read mommy blogs. They read tech blogs, or sports blogs, or how to be manly men blogs. However, this is a serious “get it off my chest” moment for the men out there. From Jon Gosselin, to David Letterman, and now one of my favorite ESPN guys- Steve Phillips, I am truly down in the dumps about men. Not my man- he is amazing. Just men in general.

How do these guys, these very famous guys, think that they are going to get away with cheating on their wives? How do they think that this could possibly be a good idea as their young children, many of them sons, stay home with Mommy and watch her find out that their hero is THIS FALLIBLE?

As I watch TV with my little son this morning, I am devastated by the lack of morality and basic decency in the lives of those we call our “reality.” There is such a dichotomy between what we vocalize to our children and what is shown in the media. Where are the men that will stand up and say that they will not cheat on their wives, will not drag them into a scandal, and will actively work to revoke the man card of any that does?

I certainly don’t mean to get all Nancy Grace here, but I am just severely disappointed. I look at my Kase, and think that he will have a wife someday. How do I teach him that honoring her does not mean doing what feels good? Or that “falling out of love” with her is not a good enough reason to find pleasure elsewhere? As my husband and I watched “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ at the very beginning to see their adorable children and just HOW THEY DO IT! with 8 children, Kaleb told me that his gut said that something was wrong with their marriage. He, apparently, called it, because now we see what they had worked so hard for fall completely apart. Their own selfishness cost them the ultimate gift to their children- an example of what marriage should be.

Personally, I have a lot of pent up anger about and history with cheating and divorce, and the cases that continue to present themselves make me even more disappointed and distrustful toward the men in our society. I do know that this is not only a man’s problem- and women, myself included, must contend with the temptation that immediate gratification in the arms of another offers. I have been tempted, I have nearly given in, and I have resisted thanks to God and thanks to the long-term gratification that I find in the arms of my one true love.

I do write this selfishly. I am disgusted, but I am at heart a cheerleader. Let’s honor one another! Let’s commit and mean it! Let’s raise our children to understand the meaning of a promise, and equip them with the ability to keep those promises. Finally, let’s be the example. And let’s not simply accept those that choose the easy way our of their own misery. That is a boat with a wake too big for some to survive.

I do not feel as I expected to feel. I am a person that gets really worked up about things as simple as dinner plans. I love to “go and do” and be a part of the action. This time, though, I feel like I am the action- and I am not so sure that I am enjoying this sensation. Nerves are getting the better of me and I feel myself going into shut-down mode. This is somewhere I have never been, and an experience I am no longer certain is for me. But, I know for sure that the gift that will be placed in my arms in just a few short hours will be worth every push, twinge and grimace- now and for the rest of his life. (more…)

So, today marks single digits until my due date. Honestly, after I went to the hospital three weeks ago, I never thought that I would make it this far into my pregnancy. Much of the frustration that everyone sees on me is that I am in a lot of pain from this child and the nurses at the hospital were so adamant that he was coming soon. I have had so many signs of labor already that it seems impossible that he has not made his way out yet. I also read the alarming rate at which babies gain weight at this point in pregnancy, and I honestly cannot imagine Kase getting any bigger. It feels like he is already taking up every available inch of space. (more…)

The news that I read today hurts me more than I could say. Though there are many friends that I no longer keep in touch with, Facebook has been a way that I can at least lurk on the lives of those that still mean so much to me. Two people who helped define my elementary and high school experiences are beginning a process of grieving that I hope I never have to understand. While I don’t want to post their story (that is for them to tell), I do want to say that God is already speaking through their hearts. Thinking about the loss that they have experienced, and knowing so very closely how going through that would destroy me has made me even more grateful for the time that I have with my son. I have already been inspired to know that the next couple of weeks of my life are to be cherished, rather than lamented. But, this latest news makes me understand and dedicate myself to this task even more so.

So, please, if you have a chance today and the next many many days, please lift up Lauren and Justin and their angel Andrew as they begin to dull an ache that I know will never completely heal.

From the many, many Facebook and face-to-face comments I have received, I am
coming to three realizations. First, preganancy will be over before I know
it; second, I need to start thinking positively or this child will think I
hate him; and third, Kaleb will never let me get pregnant again if I don’t
quit my whining! (more…)

So, in case I haven’t shared with you lately, there is an awesome little boy growing in my belly. Bearing this in mind, I am struggling mightily each day that he doesn’t come out. Every morning I wake up thinking “this could be the day!!!” (and yes, I think it with that many attached exclamation marks.) And every day, so far, I have been disappointed. (more…)

Wow, wow, wow. That is all I can say. Wow to the wonder of God for forming this miracle inside me. And wow to the wonders of modern medicine for letting me see his face! (more…)

So, those who know me well know that I am a political junkie. I have very strong views, and love a good debate. As I get older, I thought my views would become more moderate, but they have only gotten stronger. However, with strength also comes increased tolerance. I have found that the more elections that I endure, and the more ideas that I hear, the more interested I am in opposing beliefs and understanding why people believe the things that they do. My only opinion so far of this evening’s election coverage is that Chris Matthews is a jerk. Ugh. (more…)

With only 100 days left until Kase arrives (that seems like a lot of days!) I thought I would update with what has been going on the last oh… 16 weeks (more…)